I worked my tail off

I didn’t hear all of the Kavanaugh hearings, but there were two times when I was listening that struck me. The first was when Kavanaugh was asked about the word “ralph” in his high school yearbook and he explained that he frequently vomited because he had a weak stomach, back then and now too. The second time was when he vehemently stated that he had worked really hard. More precisely he said “I worked my tail off.”

This second one has stuck with me and makes me cringe. At a time when women earn 80 cents on the dollar as compared to men, and at a time when women face a glass ceiling because it’s worried that they can’t keep up with the workload, and when women are doing the majority of caregiving for the children and the elderly, this statement that he worked his tail off rubs me so wrong I cannot let it go.

I want to describe two people I know who have worked their tails off.

First, a professional colleague of mine who escaped Vietnam on a boat. As a teenager he was jailed and put in solitary confinement for years and he lost his voice from lack of use. When he escaped from jail at the age of 17, he dodged soldiers with dogs by hiding in a water tank as the soldiers and barking dogs approached. He fled, and unable to speak, begged a family for shelter. He escaped on a boat and at sea with no water he wet his lips with engine oil in order not to drink salt water, which everyone knew would accelerate dehydration and death. When he came to the United States as a refugee at the age of 18, a retired army officer on the East coast gave him a place to live and taught him English. Eventually he moved to Portland, holding down a minimum of two jobs, and sometimes three jobs. While working janitorial and restaurant jobs he got a degree and then a job as an electronics technician. But he had so much loyalty to his first employer that he continued to work at the restaurant on the weekends because they needed the help. My colleague worked his tail off.

My mother’s mother died when my mother was a few years old. My mother and her baby sister were found in a bombed out trench in WWII near their mother who died from injuries and sickness. My mother became a physicist. She immigrated to the US from Lithuania with my Indian father, me and my younger brother, two suitcases, and a handful of rubles. She went on to get her Master’s Degree in Electrical Engineering when we were little kids. Then she worked at Ford Motor Company in Detroit, commuting 150 miles round trip each day. She got her third Master’s Degree in Computer Science when I was in high school, while working full time at Ford and commuting. My mother worked her tail off. And my father treated her as an equal.

My colleague and my mother, if they had been born as white males in America, and been afforded all the advantages of life that Brett Kavanaugh had, would have gone even farther than they did. If they had been white men they would have had a ladder put right in front of them, with instructions on how to climb it. Brett Kavanaugh and others like him need to acknowledge that their success is in large part due to the affordances they have been given, to the lives they were born into.

I’d like to see our government represent the people who really have worked their tails off, because the diverse women and men of this country who have worked their tails off are the ones who represent our values, and the land of opportunity that this country stands for.

p.s. I asked my mom to proofread this story. She responded “I feel like crying. Why are you writing all that stuff. Nobody cares.” And I said I would delete the story.  She returned with “I was 1.5 years old and my sister 4 months old. Keep it, this our story.”



Filed under Essays, My Mom

9 responses to “I worked my tail off

  1. Amy Watts

    I’m crying like a baby Ramune. So amazingly well written! Our system is broken & it is up to us to try & fix it. Thanks for reminding us that our country actually has real, everyday heroes living among us.

  2. Janet Leslie

    Thank you, Ramune. I felt similarly when I heard his claims. Some people work their whole lives and never have the time or the resources for beers with friends. I noticed he didn’t have so much as a part-time job at McDonald’s on that calendar of his. Worked his tail off? No. He didn’t.

  3. F. Lee

    One comment, in the interest of accuracy. This statement:
    “At a time when women earn 80 cents on the dollar as compared to men working in the same job”

    is inaccurate. The pay gap for similar jobs is a still dis-heartening 7% (reference: https://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2018/apr/13/tina-smith/do-women-get-only-80-percent-pay-men-do-same-job/ ). In an era where “fake news” is in the news, it’s important to get this stuff right.

  4. Marianne Abraham

    Ramune! Thanks for writing this. As a daughter of destitute post WW2 immigrants, not only do I know how hard they worked their tails off once in Canada, I know that all that work made my life easier. Like the Brett Kavanaughs of the world, where someone else undoubtedly worked their tail off for his position of privilege. The least we can do is acknowledge those that have truly worked their tails off.

  5. Sandra Grady

    Beautiful, Ramune. Thank you for saying it.

  6. stephanie

    Hi Ramune – Thanks for sharing your family’s story. Stephanie

  7. Totally agree, but it is all about poeple that are in hegemony scared they will lose their powerful positions. The amazing thing is that we, women had let this happen for such a long time, accepting the discrimination for thousands of years.

    • Yes, and now the current administration is making this discrimination blatant. So much is surfacing for many of those who have been discriminated against, assaulted, or victimized.

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